


though i'm older but a year

by laminy



Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [2]
Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Birthday Party, Christmas Presents, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laminy/pseuds/laminy
Summary: Rami and Joe return from their holiday in NY just in time to celebrate Ben's birthday. time for cake, finally exchanging presents, and for Ben to figure if he's going back to work or not.





	though i'm older but a year

Ben groans softly as he slowly starts to wake up. He can feel Gwil shift next to him and he smiles sleepily, even as he keeps his eyes closed, trying to block out the early morning light. “Good morning,” he says softly, snuggling towards him.

“Happy birthday.”

Ben smiles a bit bigger, nodding, tugging at his blankets, trying to get comfy. He’s not sure what time it is, but he thinks he could fall back asleep soon. They don’t have to leave his flat just yet; Joe and Rami don’t arrive at the airport for another couple hours. “Thank you,” he says. He blushes a bit when he feels Gwil’s fingers trace over his cheek, burying his face in his pillow.

“What, no kiss for me?”

Ben laughs softly, burying his face even further, thinking about all the places Gwil’s mouth was the night before. An early birthday present, Gwil had told him. Ben groans again and stretches out under the blankets, then finally opens his eyes as he reaches out to cup Gwil’s cheek. He frowns and then snatches his hand away, lifting his head.

“Hey, Benny,” Joe says, waggling his eyebrows, dropping the accent. “Good morning. So, am I gonna get that kiss or not?”

“What?” Ben asks, shaking his head. He pushes himself up, then reaches over to grab his phone, checking the time. “I…your flight doesn’t get in for another two hours. I…”

“Yeah, so how come you’re not there already, waiting for me?” Joe asks. “Didn’t you miss me?”

“Did I forget?” Ben asks. “What— did I get the time wrong?”

Joe just stares at Ben for a few moments before he grins and shakes his head. “No, they shortened our layover, put us on an earlier flight from Dublin. Thought about calling you, thought about surprising you. Went with the surprise, obviously.”

“And you thought that getting into my be— how did you even get in here?” Ben asks, looking around.

“What do you mean?” Joe asks. “Gwil let me in. I should really have a key, don’t you think? Why’d I ever give mine back to you? Hey, does Gwil live here now? Also, are you naked?” He reaches out to grab onto Ben’s blanket but Ben just snatches it back.

Ben just stares at Joe in disbelief. “You’re…here,” he says. Joe nods. “You’re home. Am I dreaming?” he asks.

Joe shakes his head. “Nope. Happy birthday, Benny. Are you happy to see me?”

Ben scoffs. “Yes, of _course_ I am, I just— I wasn’t expecting to see you, I…” He smiles and pulls Joe into a hug, holding him tightly. “I missed you,” he says.

“I missed you too,” Joe says softly, squeezing Ben back. “It was a long two weeks,” he says.

Ben pulls back. “You— you’re _engaged_ now,” he says, and Joe laughs, nodding. “You…is Rami here?”

Joe nods, glancing back towards Ben’s door again. “Yeah, he’s out there with his boyfriend, you know how it is.”

Ben laughs softly, and then hugs Joe again. “I’m so happy for you both,” he says, before pulling back.

“Thank you,” Joe says. “I’m…I can’t believe he said yes.”

“Really?” Ben asks. “I think he would’ve said yes _months_ ago, if you’d asked. He loves you so much.”

“Yeah, I just,” Joe shifts a bit and shrugs. “I just can’t believe it, you know? He— anyway, what— I mean, you? Gwil? _Beautiful_?”

Ben’s eyes shift away and he pulls the blanket up a bit further, but Joe just keeps smiling.

“I’m not teasing,” Joe says. “I think that’s really awesome, Ben. I…I’m really happy for you. It was a good two weeks?” he asks.

Ben thinks for a moment, then nods slowly. “It really was, yeah,” he says softly. 

“He was okay?” Joe asks. “Not perfect, I mean, just…”

Ben nods. “No, I know,” he says. “I, no, it was lovely. Christmas, New Year’s Eve. All of it. It felt like…there was no pressure, or something. It’s been really nice.”

“You gonna replace me?” Joe asks. “Spend all your holidays with him now?”

Ben laughs softly, shaking his head. “Never. I could _never_. I missed you both so much.” He sighs, smiling at Joe. “Can you please go back out into the living room so I can get dressed, please?” he asks.

“No!” Joe whines, throwing himself at Ben. “This is my Christmas gift to myself. I wanna see the goods.”

Ben laughs, pushing at Joe. “Oh my god, you’re out of control,” he mutters, wiggling away from him.

“Okay, fine,” Joe says, pushing himself up off the bed. “I’ll be out there with Rami. But hurry up! We miss you.”

“Okay, okay,” Ben says. He waits until Joe slips out of his room, tugging the door closed behind him, before pushing the blankets off his lap. He grabs his boxer-briefs off the floor, tugging them on, followed by his grey joggers. He pulls on a pair of socks, and then grabs a long-sleeved shirt out of his dresser, pulling that on over his head. He walks out into the flat, grinning when he sees Rami on the floor, playing with Augie.

“Ben!” Rami exclaims, pushing himself up. He hurries over to Ben and throws himself at him, pulling him into a hug. “How are you? Oh, happy birthday!”

“Thank you,” Ben says, squeezing Rami tightly. “God, I missed you,” he says. He smiles, pulling back. “I can’t believe you’re here, I’m— oh, let me see it,” he says suddenly. “Can I?” he asks.

Rami nods eagerly and gives his left hand to Ben, who carefully touches the ring, looking down at it.

“It’s lovely,” Ben says, smiling as he looks back up at Rami. “Congratulations, Rami.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, glancing over at Joe, a smile on his face. “I quite like it as well. And the bloke who gave it to me.”

"Yeah, he's alright." Ben gently squeezes Rami’s hand and then lets his fingers slip from his, looking around the flat. “Where’s Gwil?” he asks.

“Oh, he went out to get us breakfast,” Rami says. “I asked if he needed help but he said it was fine, he’d just be quick.”

“But…” Ben frowns over at Joe. “You said he was here.”

“No, I didn’t,” Joe says.

“You said Rami was out here with his boyfriend,” Ben says.

“Yeah,” Joe says, glancing at the cat. “I meant Augie.”

Rami grins and leans down, picking up the cat, snuggling him to his chest. “Oh, how was he?” he asks, giving Augie a kiss. “Was he on his best behaviour for his two favourite uncles?” he asks.

Ben laughs, reaching out to gently grasp Augie’s paw in his hand, carefully shaking it. “Oh yes, he was lovely, you’ve raised him well. I’ll miss him.”

Rami kisses Augie on the nose, smiling. “Well, you’re always welcome to come visit him.”

Ben smiles. “I think I will. Two weeks without you, I think that means I’ll be spending a lot of time at your flat in the next few days. I honestly don’t want to go back to work this week, I wish I could just be on vacation forever.”

“Preach,” Joe mutters, throwing himself onto the sofa. He looks around the flat a bit. “No Christmas tree, no Christmas decorations. Not even any mistletoe. Ben I am so disappointed in you.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Ben mutters, walking into the kitchen. “Did Gwil say if he was getting coffee, or can I make you guys one? God,” he says, glancing back at them. “You must be so knackered. You flew all night. Wh— what are you doing here? Take your cat and go _home_.”

“No, not yet,” Rami says. “We wanted to see you. It’s your birthday. We’ll go home to sleep after breakfast.”

“Then we’ll get up again and make you supper,” Joe says.

“_No_,” Ben insists, “please, at least let’s order takeaway.”

“No way,” Joe whines, “come on. It’s your _birthday_. Takeaway? What do you take me for? What kind of best friend?”

“What kind of best friend would I be if I made you make me supper after you spent two weeks on holiday and just flew back today?” Ben asks. “Come on. I’ll let you pay, if that’s what you want.” He smiles over at Joe.

Joe glances at Rami, and sighs. “We’ll _see_,” he says carefully. “After we wake up, what kind of a mood I’m in. You deserve a home-cooked meal.”

Ben shrugs. “Gwil’s treated me a few times,” he says, eyeing the coffee machine. Neither Joe nor Rami actually answered him about it.

Joe snorts at that. “Oh, I bet he’s _treated_ you more than a few times,” he says, waggling his eyebrows. 

Ben rolls his eyes as he turns around, leaning against the counter.

“We have been gone two weeks, after all,” Joe continues. “I’m guessing it’s been, what,” he thinks for a moment, “ten times? Twelve?”

“Stop it,” Ben mutters.

“Ooh, that means it’s more,” Joe says.

“Joe, don’t tease,” Rami says.

Ben opens his mouth to speak but then the door to the flat opens, and Gwil walks in, bundled up in his winter clothes, cheeks red, glasses fogging up a bit, holding two large bags from the McDonald’s just across the street. 

“Morning,” Gwil says. He bumps the door closed behind him and then takes off his boots, walking over to the kitchen table. He sets the bags down and then starts unwinding his scarf.

“You let that rotter into my bedroom,” Ben says, looking over at Joe as he walks towards Gwil.

Gwil laughs, setting his scarf down on the back of one of the chairs. “What can I say? He can be very persuasive when he wants.”

Joe winks and sticks his tongue out for a moment, then he looks at the two of them in surprise for a moment when Gwil leans down and gives Ben a quick kiss.

“Happy birthday,” Gwil murmurs.

“Thank you,” Ben says, blushing a bit, glancing over at Joe. “I uh, I wasn’t sure if you got coffee or not,” he says, looking back up at Gwil.

“No, sorry,” Gwil says, “couldn’t manage it with just two hands. But sit, yeah? It’s your birthday, you shouldn’t be looking after us. Come on.”

“I can still make coffee, Gwil,” Ben says, but he lets Gwil guide him down into one of the chairs anyway.

Joe and Rami make their way over to the kitchen table as well, sitting down as Gwil starts the coffee machine. “I’ll just have tea, please, actually,” Rami says, snuggling Augie against his chest.

“Of course,” Gwil says, grabbing the kettle.

“Come on, babe,” Joe says, “no cats at the kitchen table.”

“But he missed me,” Rami says, turning so that Joe can see into Augie’s eyes. “Look at him.”

Joe watches him for a moment, and then sighs. “Fine,” he mutters.

Rami smiles and leans over, giving Joe a quick kiss. “Thank you,” he says softly.

“Yes, I love you too, Augie,” Joe says, reaching out to scratch his head.

Ben looks at the two of them, and smiles. “I still can’t believe you’re engaged,” he says, and Rami and Joe both look over at him. “I…you left and now you’re…I’m so happy.”

“Thank you,” Rami says. “So are we.”

Ben just shakes his head in disbelief. “I…you’re going to be married. There’s going— a wedding, and all that.”

Rami nods. “I know,” he says. “I’m—” he glances over at Joe. “I’m going to have a husband. I’m going to _be_ a husband, I…still can’t believe it, really. I never…”

“I think it’s wonderful news,” Gwil says, turning around to look at them. “Really, I— I’m so happy for the two of you.” They all notice though, that he reaches down, briefly touching his pinky ring.

Rami glances over at Ben. “Oh, will the two of you stay over tonight?” he asks. “I’d like all four of us to be together, if that’s alright. As much as we can before you and Joe have to go back to work.”

Ben just nods. “Yes, of course,” he says.

“Brilliant,” Gwil agrees. “Oh, start eating, will you? Don’t wait for me,” he says, turning around, going back to the coffee machine and the kettle.

“Birthday boy,” Joe says, pushing one of the bags towards Ben.

Ben smiles and rolls his eyes, opening the bag, taking out a breakfast bagel and a couple of hashbrowns. “I honestly don’t know how the two of you are still awake right now,” he says, glancing at Joe. “I think I’d’ve died.”

“I’m on like, my fourth wind or something,” Joe says. “So tired that I just went all the way around back to being awake. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll sleep once Augie and I are back in bed,” Rami says. He sets Augie down on his lap, then takes a breakfast wrap out of the bag.

“So,” Gwil says, turning around, handing Ben a mug of coffee, then Joe, “how was it?” he asks.

“Which part?” Rami asks.

“All of it,” Gwil says. “The flying, the family, New York. How was it?” He pours Rami’s tea and then hands that over to him as well.

“I’m not sure about flying,” Rami says. “It’s not terribly comfortable. I imagine we’re going to need a bigger plane when we go in the spring.”

“Why?” Ben asks.

Rami gestures towards Gwil. “His legs are too long for the seats,” he says.

Joe snorts and then starts to laugh. “We’ll stick Gwil up in first class, he’ll have all the room he needs. Ooh, or get a private jet! You guys are rich now, right?”

Rami smiles. “I don’t know about _that_,” he says. “But the family, well…” He looks over at Joe, who’s just biting into a McMuffin. “I loved them.”

“Aww, babe,” Joe says, mouth full. “They love you too.”

Rami keeps smiling. “It was just lovely to be around people like that again. Not that, not that the three of you aren’t enough, nothing like that, I just…missed out. With Yasmine’s family, seeing my nieces and nephews. So, it’s nice that Joe’s family is so big.” He blinks a couple times and looks over at Ben. “What about you?” he asks.

“What about me?” Ben asks.

“Your family,” Rami says. “Have you…heard from them? It is your birthday, after all.”

“Oh,” Ben says. “Uh.” He swallows and glances over at Gwil, who takes his seat next to him. “I think my family’s all here, aren't they?” he asks, giving Rami a quick smile.

Joe chews a couple times, and then gives Ben a quick wink. “Damn right we are,” he says.

Rami looks sadly at Ben for a moment, but then he tries to give him a smile. “Right,” he says softly.

“Well, I for one can’t wait to see what you got me for Christmas,” Joe says, changing the subject. “_And_ my engagement. _And_ my welcome home.”

Ben snorts, rolling his eyes. “You’re lucky I got you anything,” he says. “I’ll see what you got me for my birthday first, and then I’ll decide if you get your gifts.”

Joe whines. “Ben! No fair! Gwil! Control your man!”

Gwil just lifts his hands up in surrender. “Not my place,” he says, laughing softly. “Couldn’t if I tried.”

“What about me?” Rami asks.

Ben smiles at him. “Don’t worry, Rami, you’ll get your gifts no matter what.” He leans towards him. “You’re my favourite, you know,” he says softly, winking at him.

Rami just beams over at him. “Thank you,” he says. “I think you’re my favourite too.”

“Oh my god, why does everybody hate me,” Joe whines, looking over at Gwil, a frown on his face. “Gwil?” he asks, fake sniffling. “Are you my friend?”

Gwil nods, reaching over to pat Joe’s shoulder. “Yes, of course,” he says. “Do you want your gifts now then?” he asks.

“Ooh, yes!” Joe says happily, at the same time that Rami says, “no, later on.” Joe pouts a little, looking over at Rami. “Okay, no, fine. All gifts, at supper.”

“That’s what you get,” Ben says. “For giving Rami that ring early.”

Joe smiles, and shrugs. “Well, that was different. That was a special gift. Doesn’t count.”

“Oh, is that so?” Ben asks. Joe nods. “Hmm, well then.” He smirks at him and then takes a bite of his sandwich. “Not sure why I’m not deserving of a special gift.”

“Because I don’t want to marry you,” Joe says. Ben raises his eyebrows, and then Joe makes a face. “I mean, not that like, you’re not husband material, I _would_ marry you—”

“Really?” Rami asks at the same time that Gwil says, “watch it, mate.”

Joe looks around at all three of them, and then narrows his eyes when he sees Gwil and Rami start to smile. “Oh fuck off, everybody,” he says, taking a large bite of his McMuffin. He chews for a bit, then swallows hard. “Stop _teasing_ me. I’ve been back in this country for—” he looks at his watch, “less than two hours and you’re _bullying_ me. I should have just stayed in New York, you guys are assholes.”

Ben laughs and takes a bite of hashbrown, then reaches across the table to try to take Joe’s hand. Joe snatches it back, but then Ben just looks at him expectantly, and Joe sighs, reaching out, giving Ben his hand. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m glad you came home. I’ve been looking forward to it since you left. It was a lovely surprise, and I’ll stop teasing. I don’t need a ring.”

Joe grins. “I knew you loved me, you softie. I was just teasing to get you to admit it.”

“Okay, Joe,” Ben says, taking his hand back, lifting up his mug to have a sip of coffee.

Joe winks at him, then looks away, yawning loudly. 

Ben sighs. “I _told_ you: go home, and go to bed.”

“But my fourth wind,” Joe says. “I’m fine! I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” He yawns again though, and then rubs at his face, and Ben looks over at Rami, who’s smiling.

“Let’s go home,” Rami says, gently putting his hand on Joe’s shoulder. “We can sleep for a few hours and then Gwil and Ben can come over.”

“But I missed them,” Joe says softly, and Rami nods.

“I know, me too,” Rami says. “But if we don’t sleep now, we’ll be passing out tonight at six o’clock.”

Joe pouts and then looks at Gwil, and then at Ben, and then finally sighs, shoulders slumping a bit. “Can I finish my sandwich at least?” he asks.

Rami nods. “You can. I wouldn’t want you to waste away.”

Gwil snorts. “Like he’s at risk—”

“Hey!” Joe exclaims. “_Rude_! I don’t come to your house and insult you!” He pauses, thinking for a minute. “Hey, Gwil?” he asks.

“Yes?” Gwil replies.

Joe just smiles. “Where are you living these days?” he asks.

Gwil glances at Ben, and then back at Joe, and just shrugs. “Uh, not sure yet.”

“With us, of course,” Rami says, smiling. “For now, anyway, won’t you?”

Gwil nods. “I don’t want to be a bother, but— but yes, if you’d like.”

Rami nods, still smiling. “And we can start looking for flats, now that Joe and I are back.”

“Alright,” Gwil says. “I’d like that.” He swallows hard, rapping his knuckles on the table a couple times. “It’s been awhile since I’ve lived alone,” he says, giving Rami a quick smile, but his voice sounds sort of sad.

“Well, we’ll find you something near here,” Rami says, “so that we can all be close!”

Gwil nods. “Yes, I’d like that,” he says softly.

“Oh, that’s all I need,” Ben says, playfully rolling his eyes. “_Another_ person within five minutes of here, coming ‘round all the time, bothering me. I can’t get rid of you lot.”

“Oh, sure,” Joe says, snorting, “I’m sure you _hate_ it. No benefit to you at all.”

Ben shakes his head. “Not a one.”

“Delusional,” Joe mutters.

Gwil shifts in his seat, leaning in a bit towards Ben. “What do you want for supper?” he asks.

“Hmm?” Ben murmurs, looking over. “Oh, Joe’s buying us takeaway.”

“I am not,” Joe says, “let me cook!”

“Oh,” Gwil says, voice a bit flat, “I thought that I’d quite like to make you something.”

“Oh?” Ben asks.

Joe’s face lights up. “Gwil, are we getting the gang back together?” he asks. “You want to tag team another birthday meal with me?”

Gwil smiles at him. “I’d— yes, I’d quite like that.” He looks over at Ben. “Is that alright?” he asks.

Ben smiles and nods. “I suppose so. As long as Joe still gets a bit of sleep in and doesn’t tire himself out, that’s fine.”

“Okay, Mom, geesh,” Joe mutters. Then he smiles. “So what do you want?” he asks.

Ben shrugs. “Whatever you two would like to make. It’s also your welcome home party and your engagement party, so, Rami?” he asks, glancing over at him.

“No, Ben,” Rami says, “it’s your birthday. Let us celebrate it?” He smiles encouragingly at him, until finally Ben nods. 

“Okay,” Ben says. “If you— if you really want, yeah.” He shifts a bit uncomfortably in his seat. “But—”

“No buts!” Joe says quickly. “You already agreed. It’s your birthday! Big Ben’s 28!”

“Don’t call me Big Ben,” Ben murmurs. He sighs, grabbing his trash, starting to clean up the table. 

“Oh, let me,” Gwil says, reaching out to stop Ben, but Ben just shakes his head.

“It’s fine,” Ben says, walking over to the bin.

Gwil frowns and glances over at Joe, who’s also watching Ben with a bit of a frown on his face. 

“It’s okay,” Joe mouths at him. “Just…” He just sighs and waves his hand aimlessly. He glances over at Rami. “You wanna go, babe?” he asks softly.

Rami nods. “Yes, I’m done.”

“Oh, let me get Augie’s carrier,” Gwil says, pushing his chair back from the table.

“Thank you,” Rami says, standing up, picking up his and Joe’s garbage, walking up behind Ben, giving him a smile as he tosses his trash away. “Alright?” he asks gently.

Ben just nods. “Yeah, fine,” he says quietly. He keeps his eyes down, and doesn’t see Rami’s smile. “Oh!” he says suddenly. “How are you going to get all your things home with Augie?” he asks.

“I’ll go with them,” Gwil says, smiling over at Ben. “While I’m out, pop ‘round the shop, figure out what we’re going to make for you. I shouldn’t be long.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He nods, clearing his throat gently. “I’ll uh, I’ll get all the gifts together and sorted then.”

“Come here, Augie,” Rami says, picking the cat up, cradling him to his chest as he walks over to the carrier that Gwil’s holding. “Be good, it’s just for a few minutes,” he says softly, setting Augie inside, locking the door.

Gwil lifts the carrier up a bit, careful not to tilt it as he looks inside, waggling his fingers at Augie. “You’re going home,” he says, smiling at him, “it’s alright.” He carefully sets the carrier down on the floor, then he, Rami, and Joe get dressed into their jackets and gloves and boots. Gwil picks up the carrier again, and Rami and Joe grab their bags, and they all look over at Ben.

“See you after my nap!” Joe says. “I’ll text you when I’m awake.”

Ben nods, waving at them. “Okay, I’ll see you then.” 

Gwil opens the door and the three of them step out into the hallway, Rami and Joe dragging their bags behind them. Gwil shifts the carrier out of the way and glances back at Ben one last time, giving him a smile before pulling the door closed behind them.

“Is Ben alright?” Rami asks almost immediately.

“He’s…okay,” Joe says. “I don’t think today’s his favourite day, is all.” 

“Should we not celebrate it then?” Gwil asks.

“No, it’s not like that,” Joe says. “I think he’ll be okay, once we get some food in him, shake the gift tree loose. It’s just…been a year. Since his parents called, so.”

“That’s terrible,” Rami says softly.

Joe nods. “Yeah, it is. Well, maybe it’s for the best, I don’t know, but it might be safer to not say anything about it.”

“And make it a special day,” Rami says. “Should we have left him alone?” he asks.

Joe shrugs. “Ben likes being alone, I wouldn’t worry. He’ll be okay.”

Gwil swallows hard. “He…he was fine, over the holidays.”

“I know,” Joe says, looking over at him, “and he’s fine now. He’s just a little bummed. And tired. He’ll probably go back to bed.”

Rami groans softly. “I can’t wait to sleep in our own bed,” he says.

Joe winks over at him and opens his mouth to speak but Gwil just raises his hand.

“Please don’t,” Gwil says.

Rami laughs at that, playfully bumping his shoulder against Gwil’s arm. “I missed you,” he says.

“I missed you too,” Gwil says, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Rami’s head. “I’m so pleased you’re back. Two weeks was too long.”

Rami nods in agreement, then starts looking around. “I wonder if any of these flats are available,” he says, nodding towards the building they’re walking by.

Gwil laughs. “Do we really all need to live three minutes away from each other?” he asks.

“Yes!” Rami exclaims. “Of course we do. You promised.”

“Fine,” Gwil says. “I don’t think I promised, but alright.” He smiles over at him, then lifts the carrier up again, looking at Augie. “Hi,” he says, “are you alright in there?” Augie meows in reply, and Gwil chuckles softly.

“Maybe you can get a cat,” Rami says. “That would be lovely.”

“Oh,” Gwil says, “I…haven’t really thought of it, I suppose. I— uh.”

Rami frowns a bit. “You love cats,” he says. “You love Augie, and Tiger Lily.”

“I do, yes,” Gwil nods. “I just…” He glances over at Rami and Joe, and shakes his head a bit. “It’s hard to explain,” he says softly.

“Oh,” Rami says, a bit surprised. “Uh, alright then. I’ll…I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Gwil says. “I’m sorry.”

They get to Joe and Rami’s building and head inside, Rami and Joe’s bags banging loudly against the stairs as they go. Joe steps inside and then immediately hurries over to turn up the heat, and then runs into the living room to turn on the fireplace.

“Here we go,” Gwil says softly, crouching down, setting the carrier on the floor. He opens it, and then gently drums his fingers on the top, waiting for Augie to walk out.

“I’ll have to make sure he has food and water out,” Rami says, mostly to himself. He takes off his shoes and then looks over at Gwil. “Are you alright?” he asks.

Gwil nods, standing up. “Yes, of course,” he says. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Rami says, nodding. “I’m just glad to be back.”

“Good,” Gwil says. He sighs a bit, and then makes a soft noise when Rami suddenly pulls him in for a hug.

“I missed you,” Rami says, face just slightly buried in Gwil’s chest.

“Yes,” Gwil says, “I missed you too.” He squeezes Rami tightly. “I’ll be back shortly,” he says.

“With Ben?” Rami asks, pulling back.

Gwil smiles, shaking his head. “No, I’ll bring some food back first,” he says. “Is it alright if I use my key? I don’t want to disturb your rest.”

Rami smiles, nodding. “That’s fine,” he says.

“Just text us when you’re up,” Gwil says, reaching out for the doorknob.

“And when you come over,” Rami says, “bring your things? I do want you to stay with us again, Gwil, until you find a place. I mean…I’m sure you and Ben are…want to stay together as well, I just mean—”

“I know,” Gwil says, smiling. “Yes, of course; I’d love to stay with you. And I’ll make sure Ben brings something to sleep in tonight.”

“Okay,” Rami says. He reaches out, briefly squeezing Gwil’s hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Gwil says. “Go rest up, I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Rami says. “Bye.”

Gwil leans in and quickly kisses Rami’s temple, before pulling back. “Bye.” He pulls open the door and steps back out into the hallway, smiling at Rami again before shutting the door behind him.

\+ + + + +

There’s a Tesco practically right across the street from Joe and Rami’s flat, so he quickly jogs over, heading inside. He’s not sure entirely what Ben wants to eat, or what Joe’s in the mood to make, so he just starts walking the aisles, waiting for inspiration to hit. He wants it to be special. It’s Ben’s first birthday since Gwil’s known him, the first time they’re celebrating together. And the first one where it looks like he won’t be hearing from his family at all. He frowns a bit at that; he’s not sure even he and Joe can make something good enough to make up for that. If he was cooking for Joe, he’d go Italian. They made Egyptian food for Rami, and Joe went Welsh for his birthday. Gwil’s not entirely sure what sort of theme, if any, he should pick for Ben. He doesn’t want to mess it up, but then, he thinks, Ben’s never really seemed particularly picky about food, and considering he was willing to have takeaway, he probably doesn’t care about a theme.

Gwil quickly picks up a few things, thinking about the menu in his head. He thinks the main will be easy enough as he grabs some salmon. The side, even easier, just a vegetable. He frowns though, trying to figure out dessert. He knows Joe doesn’t bake; Gwil can, but he’s not sure about the timing. He also doesn’t want it to come from a Tesco, so he knows that he’ll have to make another stop.

Gwil pays for the food and then walks back to Joe and Rami’s flat, quietly letting himself in. Rami and Joe are nowhere to be seen, and Augie doesn’t come to the door, so he assumes they’re all upstairs in bed together. Gwil puts the food away and then heads back out, going towards the tube. He considers going to the bakery where he bought Joe his cupcakes, but he also remembers a bakery near Victoria Station that he thought looked quite lovely when he walked by with Rami one day.

It’s an easy building to find again because it’s bright pink, and Gwil feels a bit out of place when he steps inside. He knows that he should have thought to order a cake ahead of time, and feels a bit guilty that he didn’t, but he smiles a bit in relief when he sees that there are plenty of cakes and cupcakes on display and available. In fact, there are so many that he’s really not sure which one he should get.

“Hi, how can I help you?” one of the women behind the counter asks Gwil, a bright smile on her face.

“Uh, I’m looking for a birthday cake,” Gwil replies politely, still looking at all the options.

“I think we can help you with that,” she says, and Gwil looks up and smiles back. “Is it for someone special?” she asks.

“My— my boyfriend,” Gwil says, eyes quickly darting away; even though he knows none of them have had any problems here, being out, and Ben and Joe always insist it’s different now, he still feels a bit uneasy about admitting it. But as far as he can tell, she doesn’t even react.

“What flavours does he like?” she asks.

“I’m not sure he cares, really,” Gwil says. “But something light would go best with what I’m making him. Not chocolate or anything like that.”

“What about lemon raspberry rose?” she asks.

Gwil looks up at that. “I like the sounds of that,” he says. “Which ones are that flavour?” he asks.

“These three here,” she says, walking towards the end of the display case.

Gwil smiles; one is a blue cake with the word _baby_ written on top. The colours are nice but he’s not entirely sure it’s appropriate. Maybe it’s a joke that Joe would make, but Gwil’s not really sure Ben’s in the mood for that today. The second one is covered in pink buttercream, with raspberries and edible flowers on top. It’s quite pretty, Gwil thinks. But the third…Gwil knows that the third one is the right one. It’s clearly been decorated for a child’s birthday. It’s covered in yellow buttercream, _Happy Birthday_ written in curly script on the top. The top is also decorated with stars, made of sugar paste. The sides also have sugar paste stars, as well as tiny astronaut figures, planets, and rockets. 

“That one, please,” Gwil says, smiling at her. He can tell that she looks a little surprised, since he’s said the cake is for his presumably adult boyfriend, not a young child. “We uh, we work for the IIS,” he explains, shifting on his feet. “Uh, no, _he_ does, I’m retired.” He swallows hard, thinking that he’s said too much. Most people his age are not retired, so he knows she’s going to think that’s odd.

“The IIS?” she repeats. Gwil nods. “Oh. I…” She gives him a polite smile, and Gwil knows that she knows. “Thought that I recognized you,” she continues quietly.

“Yes,” Gwil says softly, shifting on his feet again.

“I’ll just box this for you,” she says quickly, and Gwil looks away as he waits. He knows it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. He is who he is, what happened to him happened, it wasn’t his fault. But still, his stomach twists a little bit. It’s just easier, when he’s with the other three, to forget about who he is and where he’s come from. He hates the idea that he’s something to be pitied.

They don’t say much else as Gwil pays for the cake, and he heads back out onto the street, heading towards the tube. He holds the box carefully, getting out at Leicester Square and walking the two minutes to Joe and Rami’s flat. He lets himself in again, putting the cake in the fridge, and then slips back out. He walks to Ben’s building, keeping his head down as he goes, and then lets himself into the flat with his key. He thinks with amusement that once he gets his own flat, he'll have keys for three of them. A bit much.

“Hi,” Ben says, looking over him from where he’s sat on the sofa, laptop on his lap.

“Hi,” Gwil replies, giving him a smile.

“Everything alright with the children?” Ben asks, and Gwil laughs softly as he takes off his boots, hanging up his jacket.

“Yes, I put them to bed,” Gwil teases.

“Tucked them in and everything?” Ben asks.

Gwil nods, walking over, sitting down beside Ben on the sofa, shifting so that he can rest his head on Ben’s shoulder.

Ben turns, pressing his lips to Gwil’s forehead. “Are you okay?” he asks softly.

Gwil closes his eyes and nods. “Just tired,” he murmurs.

“Do _you_ want to go to bed?” Ben asks. 

“No, no,” Gwil says, snuggling closer to Ben. “I just…can I just stay here?” he asks.

“Of course,” Ben replies. He kisses Gwil’s head again, and then turns back to his computer.

“Are _you_ okay?” Gwil asks after a moment.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ben says.

Gwil opens his eyes, and turns a bit so that he can see Ben clearer. “Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yes,” Ben says, and Gwil sighs softly. He doesn't think that Ben’s actually alright, but, he supposes, neither is he, and he’s not admitting it either. So much for all of their newfound honesty. He can’t help but feel like the holidays were just a blip, a momentary respite from all their issues. Then Joe and Rami came home and they were knocked back into the real world. He frowns a bit, hoping that’s not the case, that it’s just an off day.

“I’m excited for you to see your cake,” Gwil says, trying to change the subject and sound cheerful.

Ben smiles and looks at him. “Yeah?” he asks. Gwil nods. “Well, then I’m excited to see it too.”

“I hope you’ll like what we’re going to make for supper,” Gwil continues.

“I’m sure it will be lovely,” Ben says. “You’re a brilliant cook.”

“Are you working?” Gwil asks, gesturing towards Ben’s laptop.

Ben shakes his head. “Not really, no. It’s…work-related, but it’s not work.”

“What is it?” Gwil asks, straightening up a bit.

“Researching career counsellors,” Ben says. 

“Oh,” Gwil says. “Find anything interesting?” he asks.

Ben shrugs. “Maybe a bit,” he says. “I don’t know.” He swallows hard, looking over at Gwil. “I'm supposed to go back to work in two days,” he says softly.

“I know,” Gwil says, reaching out to gently push his fingers through the pieces of hair hanging over Ben’s forehead.

“I…” Ben sighs, looking down. “I don’t really want to.”

Gwil nods, leaning in to press his lips to Ben’s forehead. “I know,” he says again. “You don’t have to, love.”

Ben nods, snuggling against Gwil, settling against his side. “I’m…scared, I think,” he says, and Gwil just nods again, wrapping his arm around Ben’s shoulders, pulling him in a bit closer. 

“There’s no reason to be,” Gwil assures. “Most people, or, a lot of people, quitting their job, that might be quite a foolish thing to do. How will they pay the bills, or look after themselves, but you— you’re young. No pets, no children. And three people who love you, and can take care of you, if you need.”

Ben looks up at Gwil, biting his lip. “I’m not great at letting people take care of me,” he says softly. “I’m…better at being alone.”

Gwil chuckles. “I know,” he says. “But what’s the point of having mates if you aren’t going to let them help you every once in awhile?”

Ben nods, but he doesn’t say anything; he keeps his eyes down, nervously twisting his fingers together.

“So what’s the computer say?” Gwil asks. “About the counselling?”

“They’re near the Gherkin,” Ben says quietly. “You meet with them first, and chat, and then you…” He shrugs. “What if I’m not good at anything else?” he asks, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

“Ben, you’re going to be brilliant at anything,” Gwil says. “What did you want to be when you grew up?” he asks, reaching out to nudge at Ben’s chin, trying to get him to look up at him.

Ben shrugs. “Just…dumb things, really.”

Gwil shakes his head. “No, it’s not dumb. You can tell me, love. What do you think I’m going to do, laugh? I study _plants_.”

Ben snorts a bit at that, eyes finally flicking up to his. “You love them, though,” he says. “That’s an important job.”

Gwil smiles, trying not to roll his eyes. “Alright, if studying flowers on a planet light years away is an important job, then why is what you want to do dumb?” He swallows hard. “Did someone tell you it was dumb?” he asks gently.

Ben shrugs again. “I don’t know, really,” he says. “I just…” His hands are twisting together again and Gwil reaches out to stop them. 

“You can tell me anything,” Gwil says.

“When I was six I wanted to be a paleontologist,” Ben says quickly. “But that was just because there was a film about dinosaurs I liked.” He frowns for a moment. “Do you know what dinosaurs are?” he asks.

Gwil smiles and nods. “I do, yes.”

“Okay,” Ben nods. “Well, it was silly. I’m terrible at science, as we know.”

“So what else?” Gwil asks. “What else did you want to be?”

“A lawyer,” Ben says. “But you see how well that worked out.”

“Do you want to try it again?” Gwil asks. “Be in a courtroom and all that?” 

Ben shakes his head. “No, not really.”

“Okay,” Gwil says. “That’s alright. Anything else?” he asks.

Ben looks up at Gwil, but doesn’t say anything. 

“Ben?” Gwil prompts.

Ben sighs. “I…it will sound dumb when I—”

“No, I promise it won’t,” Gwil says quickly.

“History,” Ben says finally. “I’ve always…quite liked history.”

Gwil smiles. “Well, you’re dating the perfect man then, aren’t you?” he asks.

Ben shakes his head and tries to pull away from Gwil. “See, I _knew_—”

“Stop, I’m sorry,” Gwil says, reaching out for Ben. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t funny, I shouldn’t have teased. I’m sorry.”

Ben sighs, looking at Gwil, then settles back against him. “Okay,” he says. “It’s alright.”

“What kind of history?” Gwil asks.

“The boring sort,” Ben says. “Kings and queens, that kind of thing.”

“It’s not boring,” Gwil says. “I quite like it as well. Very Shakespearean of you.”

Ben smiles a bit, just a small one. “I read his plays for fun when I was younger. Practiced them alone in my room.”

Gwil grins. “Of course you did. So, you wanted to…teach history?” he asks.

“That’s stupid,” Ben says.

“Why?” Gwil asks. “Why is it stupid to teach history?”

“It’s not,” Ben says, “it’d be stupid for _me_ to teach history.”

“Why?” Gwil asks again. “Who told you that? Was it Paul, or— your parents?” he asks.

Ben just shakes his head. “No, it’s just…I know that it would be. I’d be terrible at it.”

“I don’t think you’d be terrible at all,” Gwil says. “And I’m a professor, so I know these sorts of things.” He smiles and Ben rolls his eyes. “I think when you’re interested in something, you get quite passionate about it. And that you’d be fantastic at passing that on. Why is that stupid?” He reaches out, cupping Ben’s cheek, his fingertips smoothing over his skin. “It’s not stupid just because you want to do it,” he says. “_You’re_ not stupid.” Ben doesn’t say anything, so Gwil just tightens his arm around him, pulling him in. “How do you make an appointment with them?” he asks, gesturing towards the computer.

“You just do it online,” Ben murmurs into Gwil’s jumper.

“So do you want to make us both appointments?” Gwil asks. “Or do you want me to do it?”

Ben sighs, and shakes his head. “No,” he says, “I— I can do it.”

“Do you _want_ to do it?” Gwil asks.

Ben brings his thumb up to his mouth, biting at the skin beside his nail, and then nods. “Yes,” he says finally. “I do.”

“Okay,” Gwil says, pressing a kiss to the top of Ben’s head. “I love you.”

Ben nods. “I love you too,” he replies, voice small.

“And Joe loves you, and Rami loves you,” Gwil continues, and Ben nods again. “And all of us want you to be happy. It’s your birthday, you know.” He smiles. “They’ll tell you the same thing. Joe in particular, I don’t think you can do anything wrong in his eyes.”

Ben smiles at that. “I think you’re right,” he says. “He thinks I’m perfect.”

“He’s not far off,” Gwil murmurs, and Ben chuckles softly. 

“Agree to disagree,” Ben says. He yawns softly, closing his eyes and resting more of his weight against Gwil, mouth hanging open just a bit.

“If you’re going to sleep, should we go to bed?” Gwil asks, running his hand up and down Ben's back. 

“No, I like it here,” Ben says. “Is that okay?” he asks.

“Of course,” Gwil says. He reaches over, pulling at the blanket on the sofa, tugging it over his lap, trying to tuck it around Ben as well. “Get some rest. I think we’re in for a long night tonight.”

Ben smiles, nodding sleepily. “Joe loves birthdays,” he says. “And presents.”

“Oh, really?” Gwil asks sarcastically. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Ben laughs, and then shifts on Gwil’s lap, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Hey, be nice. He thinks I’m perfect.”

“Oh, alright then,” Gwil says, shifting a bit, settling back and closing his eyes. “I’ll be nice then.” He takes a deep breath, letting the warmth of Ben radiate through him, and eventually he drifts off.

\+ + + + +

Gwil knocks politely on the door, and then uses his key to unlock it, ducking his head inside. “Hello?” he calls.

“We’re in the living room!” Joe calls out, and Gwil and Ben smile at each other as they step inside, each of them with a backpack on and carrying a bag of gifts. They take off their shoes and coats, and leave their backpacks by the door but take the gifts with them into the living room, where Joe and Rami are sitting on the sofa, Augie curled up between them.

“Bloody hell,” Ben says, gesturing towards the fireplace, “when you’d get all this?” he asks.

Joe smiles over at Ben. “What, you don’t like it?” he asks.

In the time between Joe and Rami waking up from their nap, and texting Ben and Gwil to come over, Joe had run out to the store and bought Christmas decorations on sale, including a small artificial tree that came in a box. He’d set it up by the fireplace, which has green and red ornaments hanging from it, with wrapped presents neatly piled on the floor.

“This is ridiculous,” Ben mutters, but he walks over to the tree anyway, kneeling down beside it to take out the presents that he’d brought.

“What?” Joe asks. “Your place was so plain and boring. This livens it up, don’t you think?” he asks. He looks over at Gwil. “I peeked in that cake box, Gwil.”

“Oh?” Gwil asks, walking over beside Ben. “And?”

“Good choice,” Joe says, and Gwil smiles at him, taking out his presents as well.

“Did you sleep well?” Gwil asks, looking over at Rami.

Rami nods. “We did, yes. Thank you. It’s nice to be in our own bed again. I missed it.”

“Good,” Gwil says. He straightens up, and Ben reaches up to take Gwil’s hand to pull himself up as he stands.

“And I missed my Augie!” Rami exclaims. He reaches down to pick Augie up, waking him up and making him meow, but Rami just smiles at him and snuggles him against his chest. “I liked New York, but it’s lovely to be back.”

“Are we still on for baseball, then?” Joe asks. “We’ll have to make sure we ask for the time off work,” he says, glancing over at Ben, who just looks away, and Joe frowns a bit.

Rami nods. “Yes, I’d love to go back,” he says. “What about you two?” he asks Gwil and Ben. “You’ll come, won’t you?”

“Yes, of course,” Gwil nods in agreement. “I’ve been looking forward to it ever since you suggested it. I’d like to see America.”

“Okay, just so you know,” Joe says, “you sound like you’re about to get on board the Titanic. Also, Ben, what about you? You’re not in?”

“Hmm?” Ben asks, looking back over at him. “No, of course I am,” he says. “Whenever you’d like to go, whatever you think is a good time of year.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “I’ll uh, well, the season schedule’s out. We can take a look in the next little bit, see who they’re playing when. I know you guys don’t care, but some games would be better than others.”

“I care,” Rami says.

“So do I,” Gwil says. “If I’m flying over the Atlantic for a baseball game, I want it to be good.”

Joe smiles. “We’ll try to fit a couple in, then. Sounds good. Also, while I was in the fridge sneaking pieces of cake—”

“Hey!” Rami says. “That’s for Ben.”

Joe grins, leaning in to give Rami a kiss. “Just teasing, babe,” he says. “I meant, when I was _looking_ at the cake, I was also looking at the food you got, Gwil. I’m not sure what we’re doing with all of it but I assume you have some ideas.”

Gwil nods. “I, I think so,” he says. “Uh, I’m not sure when you’d like to eat, but it shouldn’t take more than an hour to make, I wouldn’t think.”

“That’s cool,” Joe says, glancing at his watch. “I’m down for like, a movie, or presents, or whatever, you know.” He looks around at the other three eagerly.

“We can put something on while we open them?” Rami suggests. “Something silly we don’t have to pay attention to. I wouldn’t mind exchanging gifts now. But, it’s Ben’s birthday, so he should decide.”

“Oh, now’s fine,” Ben says, nodding. “I don’t mind. I know Joe’s eager.”

“Okay, great!” Joe says. He hops off the sofa and sits down on the floor by the fireplace, looking up at the rest of them with a smile on his face.

“I guess that’s a yes,” Gwil says softly, sitting down beside Joe.

Rami grabs the television remote and flicks though the channels until he finds something he recognizes, then picks up Augie up, walking over to the small tree, sitting down beside Gwil, and then Ben sits beside him.

“We could do this ‘round a table, no?” Ben asks.

“No!” Joe exclaims. “The tree. I bought it special.”

Ben smiles and rolls his eyes a bit. “Alright, alright, fine. So…” he trails off, gesturing at the variety of gifts: Christmas, birthday, engagement. “Who goes first?” he asks.

“Let’s do Christmas,” Joe says. “Since there’s something for all of us. And then it’s your birthday, so we’ll do that last.”

“Okay,” Ben says, shifting a bit to get comfortable.

“Here, I’ll start,” Rami says, reaching out to pick up a gift from the pile, handing it to Gwil. “This is for you,” he says, smiling up at him.

“Thank you,” Gwil says softly, starting to carefully unwrap it. It’s a large, flat rectangle, and it’s not until Gwil’s got all the paper off and looks at it carefully that he realizes what it is. A wood-cut map of Cardiff, the city name also cut out of the wood at the bottom, mounted on cork board. Attached is a small bag of heart-shaped pins.

“So you mark all your favourite places there,” Rami says. “I hope you like it.”

“Yes, I love it,” Gwil says. “I…can’t wait to have flat of my own to hang it up in.” He smiles over at Rami. “It’s lovely.”

“Do you miss Cardiff?” Joe asks. “Like, where’s home to you? Here, there, Perth?”

“Yes, I miss it terribly,” Gwil says, carefully running his fingers over the map, smiling. “As for home, I…I don’t know, really.” He looks up at the three of them. “I’m still not sure that it’s London, but Perth or Cardiff, I don’t know.” He looks back down again. “Cardiff, I think,” he says softly.

Rami reaches out, gently taking Gwil’s hand, squeezing it softly. “We should visit sometime,” he says, and Gwil nods. 

“Yes, it's so close,” he agrees. He studies the map for a moment longer, then carefully sets it aside, reaching out to pick up a present. He hands it to Joe. “Merry Christmas,” he says.

“Thanks, big guy,” Joe says, ripping into the paper. It’s a cookbook, with each recipe inspired by a famous dish in a film. “This is amazing!” Joe says, flipping through the pages. “Oh man, I love this. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Gwil says, smiling over at him. "I thought maybe we could watch the films and then cook them. I'd like to see them."

“Oh, fuck yes," Joe says, grinning. "I guess we’re going around the circle then,” he says, grabbing a present and handing it to Ben. It’s a small box, and Joe smiles as Ben opens it.

Ben takes the top off the box and immediately scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Gee, thanks, Joe,” he says sarcastically.

“I know you might think it’s a joke,” Joe says, “but I mean it.”

“What is it?” Gwil asks.

Ben sighs and lifts a keychain out of the box. On the end is a gold star, with _You Tried_ engraved on it.

Gwil snorts a bit, and Rami smiles.

“I _mean_ it, though,” Joe says again. “Every day you get up and look at that, I want you to remember that you tried. And that’s okay. That’s enough.” 

Ben looks over at him, and then finally smiles. “Thank you,” he says, and Joe launches himself at him, pulling Ben into a hug. Ben rests his head against Joe, holding him close. 

“I love you, you know that,” Joe says. “I wouldn’t tease. Not about that, anyway.”

Ben nods, and then pulls back. “I know. Thank you.”

Joe grins at him and then settles back down next to Gwil.

“Uh, here,” Ben says, setting his keychain down then grabbing a present, handing it to Rami. “I hope you like it. I thought it might be…an idea for an engineer.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Rami says, and he unwraps the gift. He looks over the box, reading the description on the back, and then grins. “It’s brilliant!” he says.

“Good,” Ben says, at the same time Joe asks what it is.

“It’s a safe, made out of wood,” Rami says. “All the pieces are inside, see, it says here, 179 laser-cut Baltic birch parts. So it’s sort of like a puzzle! And then you put it together and have a working safe. Oh, I like that.” 

Gwil doesn’t even have to say anything, he just looks at Rami and Rami hands the box over to him, so that he and Joe can look at it together and then Rami opens his arms to Ben, giving him a hug. 

“I love it,” Rami says.

“Good, I’m glad,” Ben says. “You’re welcome.”

Rami sits back down, and Gwil hands the box back over to him, and then they distribute the rest of the Christmas gifts until they’re all open. Rami ends up with a new cribbage board from Gwil and a book of movies to see before you die from Joe. Ben gives Gwil a watch that maps the night sky, and Joe gives him a desktop organizer that’s shaped like a bicycle. Ben gives Joe a framed blueprint of Yankee Stadium, and Rami gives him a set of pint glasses engraved with mathematical equations. Ben and Gwil also give Augie a set of plush toys with catnip in them, and a water fountain for him to drink out of. Joe tosses one of the toys across the floor and Augie immediately goes wild for it.

Joe also opens a bag and takes out three Yankees jerseys for them. “For the game!” he announces when Ben rolls his eyes. “So,” Joe says, once they all put their Christmas gifts to the side. “What did you get us?” he asks.

“Don’t be rude,” Rami says.

“I’m not!” Joe says. “I just…you know. We’re engaged.”

“It’s just small,” Ben says. “We’ll get you more for the actual wedding, of course.” He picks up one gift and hands it to Rami, and then hands another gift to Joe. “They’re both sort of from both of us.”

“And we only had a few days to get them for you,” Gwil says.

“You didn’t _need_ to get us anything,” Rami says. “Joe’s just being terrible.”

“Hey, babe?” Joe says. “Don’t tell them to not give us things. I _love_ things.”

Rami unwraps his gift, and smiles. It’s a world map, with Rami and Joe’s names at the bottom, and _Our Travels_ written underneath that.

“You put a pin in every place you go together,” Ben says softly. “Since you want to travel.”

“It’s beautiful,” Rami says, reaching up to wipe at his eyes. “I love it.”

Joe unwraps his gift, and it takes him a second to realize what it is, but then he smiles. “This is cool,” he says, and he turns it around so that Rami can see it.

It’s a large framed print, with various types of animals on it, all of their names listed at the bottom. At the top, it says _Mates For Life_.

Rami reaches out and smiles. “That’s sweet,” he says. “Thank you both.”

“Thanks guys,” Joe says. “Really. I know I’m a prick sometimes, but I appreciate it. A lot. It’s nice…I mean, it’s nice to be engaged, but it’s nice to know that we get to go through it all with the both of you. Our best men.”

“It’s our pleasure,” Gwil says. “Have you thought about any of the planning yet? The where, when?” he asks.

“Not until after I’m done my Masters, like I said,” Rami says. “But the where…I don’t know yet.”

Joe shakes his head. “Not yet! I don’t know, really. I don’t think we even know what continent we’re going to do it on.”

Rami shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says.

“We’ll see,” Joe says. “I don’t know, we have awhile. A long engagement, I guess.” He smiles over at Rami, and Rami grins back.

The only presents left to be opened now are the ones for Ben’s birthday. 

“Should we open them now?” Rami asks. “Or would you like us to wait until supper?”

“Now’s fine,” Ben says. “I…don’t care either way, really. I’m not much for birthdays.”

“I’ll eat the cake then,” Joe says. “All by myself.”

Ben shrugs. “That’s fine. Gwil will cook me supper and I’ll be alright.”

“Goddammit,” Joe mutters. “You’re right.” He sighs, and hands a gift over to Ben. “For you.”

“I got that,” Ben says, unwrapping the gift. He reads the box: it’s a weighted blanket. He’d heard of them, knew they were supposed to help with anxiety, but he’d never gotten around to buying one. He assumes that Rami and Gwil don’t know what it’s for, nor does he feel the need to explain it right then and there. But he’s happy. “Thank you,” he says. “It looks comfy.”

“It’s like 30 pounds,” Joe says. “_Very_ comfy.”

Ben smiles. “I appreciate it. Thank you."

Rami hands Ben his gift. “I know it’s not much,” he says, and Ben just shrugs.

“I’ll love it, I’m sure,” Ben says. He unwraps it, finding a boxset of books that he’d looked at once while out with Rami. He smiles. “Thank you, they’re lovely.”

“Happy birthday, Ben,” Rami says, and he gives Ben another hug. “I love you,” he says softly, and Ben closes his eyes, nodding.

“Thank you,” he says again, quiet, and part of him wishes he could just stay in that hug forever. Rami gives the best hugs. But eventually, he pulls back, and Rami settles back down, and he looks up when Gwil reaches over, picking up the last present, a bag stuffed with tissue paper.

“You— you probably won’t like it,” Gwil says, and Ben frowns.

“Why would you say that?” he asks.

Gwil shrugs. “Don’t know, really. It’s— it’s sort of silly.”

“I’ll love it,” Ben assures him. “I promise.” He takes out the tissue paper, and reaches inside, taking out the items. Seeds, a clear glass, and a packet of soil. He carefully looks over the glass, seeing that it has _January_ etched into it. There’s no instructions, no box or logo. He thinks that Gwil must have put it together himself.

“They’re carnations,” Gwil says. “It’s— January’s birth flower, it’s carnations.”

Ben smiles, and then sets the bag aside, pushing himself up to lean over, giving Gwil a kiss. “Thank you,” he says softly. “I love it.”

“Okay,” Gwil says, and he smiles as he gives Ben another kiss.

“You guys are like _right_ in front of my face right now,” Joe says. 

“Shut up,” Gwil says, pushing at him as he kisses Ben again.

Ben laughs and finally pulls back, taking his seat again beside Rami. “After all the shagging you lot did in my flat, you can watch me and Gwil snog for a second,” he says.

Joe snorts. “Snog,” he mutters. 

Rami smiles at the three of them. “I’m really happy I’m home,” he says. “This was a lovely day.”

“And we haven’t even eaten yet!” Joe says. He claps his hands together. “Gwil, you wanna hit the kitchen?”

“We’ll clean up in here,” Rami says.

“Okay,” Joe says, pushing himself up. “But _no_ fun. Only cleaning.”

“Oh, stop it,” Rami says, reaching out to playfully slap at Joe’s leg.

“I said no fun!” Joe exclaims, throwing himself back down onto the floor, launching himself at Rami, tackling him down.

Rami starts laughing loudly as Joe starts to tickle him. He throws his head back, laughing even harder when he sees Augie walk over to them to investigate. “Augie, save me,” he says, and Augie just meows.

“Oh, they can roll around together but we can’t snog,” Ben mutters. “Joe, get off him and go make me my birthday supper,” he says, poking at Joe with his foot.

“Let your boyfriend do it,” Joe says, still tickling Rami.

“Fine, I will,” Gwil says, starting to walk towards the kitchen. “But you won’t get any then, Joe.”

“No!” Joe says, and he stops ticking Rami, immediately rolling off of him and then pushing himself up. “Okay, I’m coming, I’m coming.” He catches up to Gwil, smiling at him. “Let’s pretend we’re on a cooking show!” he says, and Gwil just rolls his eyes.

Rami stays on his back, trying to catch his breath, still laughing a bit. Ben lays down next to him, looking over at him, a smile on his face. 

“Thank you,” Ben says, and Rami looks at him.

“For what?” he asks.

Ben shrugs. “For…all of it. Everything. For being here. It means a lot.”

“Of course,” Rami says, reaching out to take Ben’s hand. “It’s your birthday. Where else would we be?”

Ben gives him a sad smile, and Rami squeezes his hand. “My parents—”

“Are missing out,” Rami says. “Because we know how kind and sweet and caring and smart you are,” he says. “And I swear, I’ll never miss one of your birthdays.”

“You can’t promise that,” Ben says. “What about— next year? You’ll be in uni. Or— after that? I mean, you and Joe are probably going to have thirty kids running around here soon enough.”

Rami smiles at that. “Just one, I think.”

Ben grins. “Yeah?” he asks. “That kid is going to be the luckiest kid on the planet. But— that’s what I mean. You two will have lives, and families, you can’t make a promise like that.”

Rami nods. “I can, and I will,” he says. “I promise. If that’s alright. If you and Gwil want to go away without me, that’s fine. I’ll only miss you a bit.”

Ben bites his lip, and nods. “Thank you,” he says. He sighs and settles a bit closer to Rami, still holding his hand. “Have you seen my cake?” he asks.

“I have,” Rami says.

“What’s it look like?” Ben asks.

Rami laughs. “Like it’s for a five-year-old.”

Ben laughs loudly. “Perfect. Gwil must’ve got it for Joe instead.”

Rami laughs again, and then laughs even harder when he feels Augie start massaging his paws into his head. “It tickles,” he says, and Ben pushes himself up, lifting Augie up, snuggling him to his chest.

“Takes after his father, then,” Ben says softly. “Joe’s a terrible influence.”

Rami chuckles and sighs. “He really is. Absolutely terrible.”

“And you love him,” Ben says.

Rami nods. “I really do.”

“Good,” Ben says. “You deserve it. And he’s lucky to have you.”

Rami smiles over at him. “And Gwil?” he asks. “You love him?”

“Of course I do,” Ben says.

“But, you said it, I mean,” Rami says. “While we were away?” Ben nods, and Rami smiles again. “Good,” he says. “You deserve it. He’s lucky to have you.”

Ben looks down at that, hearing his own words echoed back at him, and Rami reaches out to him again.

“You’re lucky to have each other,” Rami says. “Even though it’s not perfect, I think you two will be alright.”

Ben smiles faintly. “We’re trying,” he says.

“Good,” Rami says. He grins suddenly, then pushes himself up, reaching over to the pile of gifts. He lifts up Ben’s keychain, looking at him proudly. “See? You tried.”

Ben laughs loudly, reaching out to snatch the keychain from him. He grins down at it, shaking his head. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess I did.”

\+ + + + +

Supper ends up being salmon in puff pastry with spinach and cream cheese, and a chili-garlic cucumber salad that Gwil saw online once not that long ago. When it's ready, Gwil and Joe call Ben and Rami into the kitchen. They're all impressed with how delicious it turns out, and Gwil doesn't think Ben's at all disappointed that there's no real theme.

When dinner's done, Joe smiles eagerly over at Gwil, and tells Ben to close his eyes. Ben grumbles a bit but agrees, covering his hands with his eyes. He sighs, and then immediately feels himself start to blush when he hears them starting to sing _Happy Birthday_ to him. He takes his hands away from his eyes and sees that the lights are dimmed. The cake has six candles on it; he smiles when he realizes they're sticking out of six stars on the top. He starts laughing when he sees that the sides are decorated with astronauts and rocketships.

Gwil sets the cake down in front of him, and kisses his cheek. "Make a wish," he says softly, and Ben nods.

He closes his eyes and blows out the candles, smiling when they applaud him. "Why am I the only who had to sit through _Happy Birthday_?" he asks.

"Because you're the most fun to torture," Joe says, ruffling Ben's hair until he pulls away from him. 

"Do you like it?" Gwil asks.

Ben looks at the cake and laughs. "Yes, it's perfect," he says. "Can only imagine that they thought you were buying this for a baby."

"Well, there was one there that actually had _baby_ written on it," Gwil says, "but I decided not to buy that one."

"Oh, that would have been great," Joe says. "Because he is our little baby! Little Benny, youngest one. Look at him, so fresh-faced."

"If you don't sit down you're not having any cake," Ben says.

Joe sits down immediately.

\+ + + + +

Joe groans a bit, rolling over to reach his hand out, fingers just skimming over Rami as he slips out of bed. “Where you going?” he asks, voice rough with sleep.

“Just thirsty,” Rami says, glancing back at Joe, pulling the blankets back up, tucking them back up around Joe. “Be right back.”

Joe nods sleepily and closes his eyes, probably back asleep before Rami even slips out into the hallway.

Rami frowns a bit as he walks towards the stairs, seeing light flickering across the walls of the living room. He glances down over the balcony to see the television on, and Gwil curled up on the sofa. He softly walks down the stairs, then clears his throat, trying his best not to startle Gwil.

Gwil glances over, straightening up. “Hi,” he says, grabbing the remote, putting the television on mute. “It’s late,” he says.

“Early, I think,” Rami says, smiling. He walks over to the sofa, settling down next to him, tugging the blanket over his lap. "Why are you awake?”

“Why are you?” Gwil asks.

“I asked you first,” Rami says, yawning loudly, leaning against Gwil’s shoulder.

Gwil sighs, lifting his arm up so that Rami can curl against his side. “Couldn’t sleep,” he says. “Didn’t want to bother Ben.”

“Are you alright?” Rami asks.

Gwil shrugs, then nods. “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks.

Rami looks up at him. “Because we’re…a lot has happened today. Might be too much.”

Gwil nods. “It’s not as though today wasn’t lovely, I just…it’s the in-between moments. Gifts, supper, it was all wonderful. But then I’m alone with my thoughts, and, well, I can’t stop thinking.”

“About what?” Rami asks.

“About how I…” Gwil sighs. “I hurt him.”

“Oh, Gwil,” Rami says. “That’s—”

“What?” Gwil asks. “In the past? Not important?” He shakes his head. “The more I get to know him, the more time we spend together, just the two of us, the happier he makes me, the guiltier I feel. He deserves better than me.” He looks down, biting his lip as he touches his ring. “I don’t know. Sometimes I can ignore it, but tonight, we— we went to bed and he said he loved me and thanked me for his birthday, and I…couldn’t sleep.” He glances over at Rami. “Did I wake you?”

Rami shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I was up anyway. Just thirsty.”

“Are you sure?” Gwil asks.

Rami nods, reaching down to twist his engagement ring a couple times. “Tonight anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Gwil asks.

Rami shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says quietly. “Most of the time, I’m happy. But sometimes, I get this feeling inside, like…” He trails off, letting go of his ring to rub his stomach a bit. “Like I’m sick. Like everything’s wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong,” Gwil says, reaching out to take Rami’s hand. “Not with you.” He gives Rami a smile. “I’m terribly sorry you feel that way, though.”

Rami nods. “Me too.”

“Does Joe know?” Gwil asks.

Rami shrugs. “Sometimes,” he says. “It’s harder to hide since we’ve been living together, not— not that I _want_ to hide it from him. I just don’t want him to think that there’s…that I’m not happy with him. I am. I love him so much.”

“I know that,” Gwil says. “He does too. I think you’ve made him just about the happiest bloke on the planet, since you said yes to him. In the _universe_, actually, and I think I’m quite qualified to say that.” Rami laughs softly. “Was everything really alright in New York? Did something happen with his family?”

“No, not at all,” Rami says. “We had a wonderful time. His mother, she—” He swallows, reaching up to open his locket, carefully opening it, taking the paper out. “She gave me this,” he says, handing it to Gwil.

Gwil squints a bit to read the tiny print with just the television for light, but then he slowly smiles. “This is lovely, Rami,” he says, looking up at him, handing the paper back to him. 

“I know,” Rami says, rolling the paper, slipping it back into his necklace. He sighs softly. “No, it was lovely. John, Mary, everyone. They made me feel so welcomed.”

“So it was just when you came home that you became unhappy?” Gwil asks. “That makes me and Ben feel _so_ very loved.”

“No, it’s not that,” Rami says, smiling and bumping his shoulder against Gwil. “I love being back, I missed you and Ben so much. I don’t really know what it is. It’s like…the holidays were a dream, and now we’re back to the real world, and…” He frowns a bit. “I feel guilty,” he says, wrapping his arms around one of the throw pillows to comfort himself.

“For what?” Gwil asks.

Rami shrugs. “Being happy,” he says. “Without Sami here. And,” he swallows, “without Roger.” He glances up at Gwil. “And even Ben’s family. I wish they’d called.”

“Me too,” Gwil says. “But Rami, you don't have feel guilty about being happy. They would all want you to be happy.”

“I know,” Rami says. “But still, I…”

“Are you happy for me and Ben?” Gwil asks suddenly.

Rami smiles. “Of course I am,” he says. He shifts, yawning loudly, leaning against Gwil. “_So_ very happy,” he says. “I only want the best for you both. You both deserve it. After everything.”

“Then why don’t you deserve it too?” Gwil asks. He tugs the blanket up a bit further, and shifts, trying to get the two of them more comfortable on the sofa. “If after everything, you think _I_ still deserve it, then why do you feel guilty?”

“Because I love Joe,” Rami says, “and I don’t want him to regret picking me.”

Gwil sighs, reaching out to take the pillow from Rami, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him in. “He’ll _never_ regret picking you,” he says. “Not even for a second.” He kisses Rami’s temple, squeezing him tightly. “I know that much.” He smiles, pulling back. “You never have to worry about that.”

“Okay,” Rami says, nodding. He yawns and wipes at his eyes. “Are you going back to bed?” he asks.

Gwil glances back towards the stairs, and then shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to wake him,” he says. “What about you?” 

Rami shrugs. "I could,” he says. “Or I could stay down here with you.”

Gwil smiles. “Joe won’t get jealous?” he asks. He reaches out to grab the remote, turning off the television.

Rami smiles back and shakes his head. “He wouldn’t dare. You know he and Ben shared a bed when Joe moved to London?”

Gwil grins. “I…didn’t for sure, but I suppose it doesn’t surprise me. It is a one-bedroom flat.”

“Anyway,” Rami says, bringing his feet up onto the sofa, “he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Are you warm enough?” he asks. “I can get another blanket, if you’d like.”

Gwil shakes his head. “No, I’m alright,” he says.

Rami smiles, then pushes at Gwil. “Lie down then, I need to sleep.”

“Alright then,” Gwil says, laughing softly as he brings his feet up onto the sofa, Rami shifting out of the way so that Gwil can lie down and get comfortable, and then Rami lies down next to him. It’s cramped, and Gwil’s just a bit too tall for the sofa, but Rami settles against him, Gwil’s chest pressed to his back, and Rami yawns, snuggling into the cushions. “Is it alright if I…” Gwil trails off, his hand hovering over Rami’s waist, and Rami smiles, reaching up to grab onto his hand, tugging Gwil’s arm over him.

“Of course it is,” Rami says. He smiles. “It’s like on the Mercury again, those first few days.”

Gwil laughs softly. “When I was missing Roger.”

“And you dragged me in to be your pillow,” Rami continues. He blinks a couple times, then swallows hard. “They were still alive then,” he says softly. “How long do you think we’ll miss them for?” he asks.

Gwil shifts on the sofa, tightening his hold around Rami just a bit. “Forever, I suppose,” he says. “That’s how long they missed us.”

Rami makes a quiet noise, like a distressed whimper, then he sniffles. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“For what?” Gwil asks.

Rami shrugs against him. “Being so sad,” he says. “Today should be happy. We’re all back together, it’s Ben’s birthday. I don’t know what brought it on.”

“It’s alright,” Gwil says, and he presses a gentle kiss to the back of Rami's head. “All the trouble I’ve caused, I think you’re allowed one bad day.” He smiles. “Just one per year, though. And you’ve used yours up fairly quickly.”

“Oh, stop,” Rami says, but he smiles as well. “It’s 2040 now.”

“It is,” Gwil says. “I don’t believe it, but it is.”

“What do you think this year will be like?” Rami asks.

“I have no idea,” Gwil says. “But I hope it will be alright.”

Rami nods. “Me too. Don’t…don’t leave me again, alright?” he asks.

Gwil winces a bit; it hurts, but it’s fair. “Never again,” he says. “I promise.”

“Alright then,” Rami says. He yawns loudly and stretches out, then snuggles into the blanket. “Goodnight, Gwil,” he murmurs.

“Goodnight, Rami,” Gwil says, and he squeezes Rami one last time before he shuts his eyes.

\+ + + + +

Joe wakes up to the sunlight starting to stream through the bedroom window. He stretches out, lifting his head up a bit when he realizes that Rami isn’t there. He didn’t hear him get up. Actually, he thinks, he didn’t hear Rami come back to bed in the middle of the night. He groans loudly as he stretches out, then pushes himself up. He feels a bit of a chill as he climbs out of bed, and walks over to his dresser, grabbing a pair of flannel pyjama pants and thick socks, pulling them, on. He goes to the bathroom, then walks out of the room. The door to the spare bedroom is still closed, but that doesn’t really surprise him. Ben will probably sleep until the afternoon, if they let him. Joe glances over the balcony, and then smiles when he sees Rami and Gwil curled up on the sofa.

Joe walks softly down the stairs, heading first to turn up the heat, then goes over to the sofa, crouching down in front of it. Rami’s mouth is hanging open slightly, and he’s drooled just a bit. Gwil’s face is buried in Rami’s neck, snoring softly. Joe smiles and resists the urge to give Rami a kiss for fear of waking him up, so he just walks into the kitchen, and starts making himself coffee. He yawns loudly as he waits for the mug to fill, then sits down at the kitchen table. He slowly drinks his coffee, thinking about what he should do for breakfast. They left the fridge empty before they went to New York, and yesterday, Gwil only bought enough groceries for their supper.

“Ugh,” Joe mutters to himself. He doesn’t really want to bother with it. Also, the idea that he has to go back to work tomorrow makes him want to cry. Not really, but he’d love to spend a few more days with the four of them all together, no responsibilities, just—

“Hi,” Rami says, and Joe smiles over at him.

“Hi, good morning,” Joe says. “Hope I didn’t wake you.”

Rami yawns and rubs at his face as he walks into the kitchen. “It’s alright,” he says. He reaches out and takes Joe’s mug out of his hands, then sits down on Joe’s lap, snuggling against him. 

“How’d you and your boyfriend sleep?” Joe asks, wrapping his arms around Rami.

“Ha ha,” Rami mutters, yawning again. “And just fine, thank you.”

“Was I keeping you up last night?” Joe asks.

Rami shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t you, I just…wasn’t feeling well, and Gwil was up too.”

“Are you okay?” Joe asks. “Sick?”

“No,” Rami says. “I…” He swallows hard, drawing back a bit to look at Joe. “I’m alright, I promise. I just needed to talk to him. About…home.”

“Oh,” Joe says. “Okay.”

“That’s alright?” Rami asks.

“What?” Joe asks. “Is it alright that you…are talking to your best friend about something that I don’t really have any experience with? Uh, yeah. Think so.”

“I just meant, is it alright that I didn’t…” Rami sighs. “I don’t know. I’m being silly, you’re right. Of course it’s alright.”

“Are you okay?” Joe asks. Rami nods. “You sure?” He leans in, kissing Rami’s cheek. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too,” Rami murmurs, pulling Joe in, kissing his neck.

“And if there are things you’d rather talk to Gwil about than me,” Joe says, “then that’s okay. I get it. I…don’t, I wasn’t—” He draws a breath, giving Rami a smile. “I love you, and anything you want to talk to me about, I will listen, but I know that I don’t get it. Gwil gets it. That’s okay. I’m not offended.”

Rami smiles at him. “Okay.”

“Okay, good,” Joe says. He yawns, then rests his forehead against Rami’s shoulder. “I’d offer to make you breakfast but we don’t have any food.”

“I know,” Rami says. “If we were nice people we’d go out and get breakfast for them. Gwil got us breakfast yesterday."

“Are we nice people, though?” Joe asks, smirking.

Rami shrugs. “They’re so lazy,” he says, “sleeping the day away.”

“And Gwil snores, I just heard it,” Joe says.

“But I am hungry,” Rami says.

Joe laughs softly. “Also a good point.” He sighs. “You wanna get dressed and head out? Be good friends?”

Rami makes a face. “Do you want to get dressed and head out, and I’ll stay here?” he asks.

Joe laughs again. “That doesn’t seem fair!” he exclaims. “What do I get out of that?”

Rami bites his lip, then leans in, giving him a kiss. “If you loved me, you’d go get me breakfast,” he says, shifting on Joe’s lap.

“Oh, is that so?” Joe murmurs against Rami’s mouth, tugging him in, kissing him again.

“Uh-huh,” Rami says, nodding as they keep kissing. 

“You’re going to seduce me so I’ll go get you breakfast?” Joe asks. "Wow babe, you've changed."

Rami just pushes his hands through Joe’s hair, holding him close as he shifts on his lap, Joe’s hands on his waist, steadying him as Rami straddles him.

“The chair’s not really big enough for this,” Joe says, laughing softly, but he just tugs Rami even closer. “We have a bed for this, you know.”

“I don’t care,” Rami says, slipping his hands under Joe’s t-shirt.

“Me either, then, I guess,” Joe says. They keep kissing, moaning softly against each other, as Joe’s hand drags from Rami’s waist down to his boxers, and he presses his hand down, and Rami groans softly. Joe presses his hand down again, and again, working against him, and Rami’s head tilts back, eyes fluttering shut, and he groans a bit louder before he can stop himself, teeth digging into his lip, and—

“Oh my god,” Gwil says, and Rami jerks back from Joe, unable to keep his balance, already precariously perched on his lap, and he falls to the floor.

“Oh my god!” Joe exclaims, dropping out of the chair to crouch by Rami. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Rami looks over at Gwil and groans in embarrassment, cheeks red, and looks away. “I’m fine, yes,” he mutters.

“I am _so_ sorry,” Gwil says, lifting his hand to his eyes. “I’m, I’m going— ahhh, I’m going to go upstairs.” He turns and hurries away from the kitchen, and Joe looks down at Rami, smiling.

“He’s going to tell Ben, you know,” he says, slowly standing, helping Rami to his feet. “We’re never going to live it down. And after I literally just made fun of them for kissing in front of us.”

“I’m sorry,” Rami says, adjusting his shirt.

Joe scoffs. “What for?” he asks. “This is our house. We can fuck in the kitchen if we want. I’ll fuck all over this place!”

“Okay,” Rami murmurs, but he smiles at him. “Do you want to get dressed and go get breakfast?” he asks.

“Just for us?” Joe asks. “Or are we going to be nice and bring some home for these idiots too?”

Rami shrugs, starting to walk out of the kitchen, Joe following behind him. “I’ll see how much I hate them when we get there,” he says.

\+ + + + +

They all spend the rest of the day together again. After Joe and Rami bring them back breakfast, Ben and Gwil go along with Rami and Joe to help them get groceries. Then they settle in and watch television for the rest of the day, and despite having a fully-stocked fridge, they order takeaway for supper.

When Joe announces he’s going to go to bed, since they have to work the next morning, Ben reluctantly stands up from where he’s sat on the sofa. Gwil is staying with Rami and Joe again, so Ben has to go home and sleep alone. He knows that Gwil was only staying with him over the holidays, that they don’t actually live together and Gwil is about to start looking for a flat of his own, but still…he doesn’t really want to go home and be alone tonight.

Luckily, Rami senses it before Ben can get to the door, and invites him to stay again.

“Oh,” Ben says, “I— uh, I don’t have to,” he says, looking over at Gwil.

“Please?” Rami asks. “I’d like it to be the four of us all together again, just for another night. It would mean a lot.” He smiles at him, and Ben nods thankfully.

“Yeah, that’d be lovely,” Ben says.

“Fun!” Joe says. “We’ll get up a few minutes earlier to you can run back to your place tomorrow and get changed, then.”

“Oh, right,” Ben says. 

Gwil reaches out to take his hand, and the four of them head upstairs together, Augie in Joe’s arms.

“Who do you want to sleep with tonight?” Joe asks Augie, scratching his head. “You wanna sleep with your Uncle Gwil, is that right?” he asks.

“That’s fine,” Gwil says, reaching out to take Augie from him. “I am stealing his room, after all.”

“Okay, goodnight!” Joe says, waving at them. “Ben, see you in the morning. Hope you sleep well.”

Ben nods. “Uh, yes,” he says. “Goodnight.” He gives them a quick wave and walks into Gwil’s bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Gwil sets Augie down in his kitty condo, and then closes the bedroom door behind them. “So what’s wrong?” he asks. 

“Nothing,” Ben says.

“Ben,” Gwil says, sitting down next to him.

“I…” Ben takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “I'm going to quit tomorrow,” he says finally.

Gwil draws a sharp breath, looking at him. “Are you— are you sure?” he asks.

Ben nods, reaching up to quickly wipe at his eyes. “N— no,” he says, “but…I can’t go back.” He looks up at Gwil. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“I know,” Gwil says, and he opens his arms, bringing Ben in towards him. “But that’s alright,” he says softly, rubbing his back. “Neither do I, right?”

“Joe’s going to be so disappointed,” Ben mutters, and Gwil shakes his head. 

“That’s not true,” he says. “That’s not true at all. He thinks you’re perfect, remember?”

“How am I supposed to tell him?” Ben asks, his shoulders starting to shake. He sniffles. “He— I— we met there. We— we’ve always worked together. He’s my best mate, and I’m just _leaving_, he’ll—”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Gwil says, pulling back a bit. He leans in, giving Ben a kiss. “He’ll understand, because he’s your best mate.” He carefully pulls back from Ben, letting him go. “Just give me a moment, alright?”

“Gwil, I—”

“Just hold on,” Gwil says. He stands up and walks across the room, opening the door and heading out into the hallway.

Ben sniffles, and he can hear Gwil knock, then his voice. A few moments later, he looks up, and Joe’s in the doorway, looking at him. 

“Hey, buddy,” Joe says. “Gwil said you needed me, you okay?” he asks.

Ben looks at him, and then shakes his head, wiping at his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Joe asks, walking into the room, crouching down on the floor in front of him. “What happened? What’s with all the tears?” he asks.

“I can’t,” Ben murmurs, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Joe asks. “Ben, you know you can tell me anything,” he says. “What’s wrong?”

Ben sniffles, and brings his thumb up to his mouth but Joe stops him before he can start biting on it. He sniffles again, and swallows hard. “I’m— tomorrow, I’m…” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “I’m quitting,” he says.

Joe frowns, reaching up to wipe tears from Ben’s cheek. “Are you sure?” he asks.

Ben nods. “I can’t do it anymore,” he says softly. He looks down at his lap. “Do you hate me?” he asks.

Joe has to laugh a bit. “Why?” he asks. “What’d you do?”

“I’m— I’m leaving you,” Ben says. “I— we work together. It’s what we do. You’re my best mate, and I— you’re always in my office and we eat together, and I— I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Oh buddy,” Joe says. He reaches up, pulling Ben down towards him into a hug. “I think at this point you’d literally have to murder Rami for me to be mad at you. And even then, I’d be willing to hear you out.” Ben chuckles at that, burying his face in Joe’s shoulder, tears wetting his t-shirt. “I’m not mad. I want you to quit. If you want to quit, I don’t want you to work there. Okay? Going to a doctor, getting all this out, it— it won’t help if you still have to go to a job you hate every day.” He pulls back, smiling at him. “I’m always going to love you, you know that. You’re my best friend. You want me to help you tell Hartstone?” he asks. “I’m on board for that.”

Ben laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t trust you to not tell her off,” he says.

“Fair enough,” Joe says. He squeezes Ben closely one more time then stands up, walking over to the door.

Ben sighs, wiping at his eyes, assuming that Joe’s about to slip back out and go to his own room, but he just hears him speak quietly, and then Joe turns around, walking back into the room, shutting the door behind him. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Cuddling with my Benny, what do you think?” Joe asks. “Which side do you wanna sleep on?” he asks.

“I— Joe, go to bed,” Ben says, and he bounces a bit when Joe throws himself onto the mattress. “I meant _your_ bed.”

“Well, technically, I paid for this bed,” Joe says, “so it is mine. They both are. Funny how that works, huh? Now come on. Get changed and get in here. I see you left your weighted blanket downstairs, but that’s alright, I am willing to lay on you all night.”

Ben laughs loudly and then stands up, going to his bag. He tugs off his jumper and pulls on his t-shirt, keeping on the joggers that he’d worn all day. He glances at the door, then walks over to the bed, climbing in alongside Joe.

“Rami has slept with Gwil _both_ nights since we got back,” Joe says, rolling onto his side. “Do you think that means something?” he asks.

Ben snorts. “Yeah, it means he’s less annoying,” he says.

“Mm, I don’t think that’s it,” Joe says. “Besides, how annoying can I be if I have so many great people that love me?” he asks.

Ben looks over at him, smiling. “That’s actually a very kind thing for you to say,” he says. "And it's true."

Joe grins. “I am capable of being nice, every once in awhile,” he replies. He snuggles into the bed a bit. “Man, I really don’t want to be the _only_ one who has to get up and go to work tomorrow, though.”

“I’m going with you,” Ben says. “I have to actually tell them I'm quitting.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “But just so you know, if you leave at like, lunchtime, I am also taking a half day.”

Ben grins. “I don’t think so, Joe. If you’re going to support me, you’re going to have to work.”

Joe groans loudly. “Why can’t Rami work and just support us all?” he asks.

“You can retire when he gets his degree,” Ben says. “You can be a stay-at-home dad, yeah?”

Joe grins. “He told you about that, huh? We’re going to have a baby.”

“And will they be joining us anytime soon?” Ben asks.

Joe shrugs. “Depends on how long it takes me to find one, I guess,” he says. “Babies are hard. Parents don’t really take their eyes off them. I could probably get a three-year-old or something though, easy peasy. They're little train wrecks, running all over the place."

Ben laughs. “Please don’t steal a child, Joe. You wouldn’t do well in prison.”

“God, that’s the truth,” Joe says. He smiles and shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess first we have to figure out…_how_ two men are getting a baby. Probably not until after Rami’s done his degree. I don’t know. But we’ll see. Gotta plan a wedding first.”

Ben smiles. “And I can’t wait to be there for it all.”

Joe snuggles closer to Ben, letting his eyes close, stifling a yawn. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Ben says. “For right now.”

“Okay,” Joe replies. “Wake me up if you need me. I’m right here.”

Ben nods. “Alright,” he says. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Benny,” Joe murmurs.

Ben yawns, then closes his eyes as well. He’s still scared to death about what’s going to come after tomorrow, but it might not be so bad, he thinks. Not if he’s got Joe, and Gwil, and Rami with him. Joe’s weight settles on him, and Ben smiles. At least he knows Joe’s not going anywhere. Maybe Ben _will_ get him to tell Hartstone for him.

**Author's Note:**

> • my boyyyyyyyssss they're back, all four! oh gosh.  
• I took it kind of hard after I finished posting ITBASM and was like, dang okay, what now?  
• obviously there had to be just a SMIDGEN of angst.  
• they can't be happy all the time. Chapter 39 was perfect, and this is them back to the real world.  
• it does just so happen this follows right after ITBASM, but when other things get posted, it might not be chronologically.  
• also not ALL the titles will come from 39, that's just a coincidence for this part.  
• I really hope you guys liked it! I know it's not perfect, but I think the break from writing kind of screwed me a bit.  
• also this turned out WAYYYY longer than I expected, so god knows how long that wedding will be.  
• [Ben's birthday cake](https://laminy.tumblr.com/post/186654248150/if-youve-read-the-newest-piece-i-wrote-bens).


End file.
